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This article explores how life’s major transitions—endings, transitions, and new beginnings—can be leveraged as opportunities to build intentional habits that foster personal growth and meaningful change.

During life’s endings, transitions, and new beginnings, our “illusion of control” leads us to overestimate our ability to influence outcomes, causing us to fixate on controlling external circumstances.

The result: intense self-induced anxiety.

From a psychological perspective, our tendency to seek control during uncertainty stems from our brain’s wiring. Its default mode seeks predictability and control as a survival mechanism.

Uncertainty triggers our ancient threat-detection system, leading to anxiety, motivating us to regain control.

Attempting to control situations serves as a coping mechanism to both reduce anxiety—even when that control is more perceived than real—and preserve our sense of self and identity.

Recognizing this natural inclination has allowed me to channel my energy into managing my triggers, reactions, behaviors, and habits instead of factors outside myself.

Periods of change naturally disrupt our routines, creating an ideal opportunity to reset behaviors and establish habits aligned with our goals—if we stop micromanaging everything and everyone.

Building constructive habits during life’s transitions isn’t merely about increasing productivity—it’s about extracting wisdom from each phase and channeling it into a more meaningful life.

After all, isn’t love the purest expression of our humanity – the conscious choice to minimize the suffering we bring into others’ lives while striving to become a source of light rather than shadow in their journey?

That’s why we should practice building constructive habits during difficult times—these habits prepare us to stay on course when life tests us.

Consider multiple-time Olympic gold medalist swimmer Michael Phelps.

His coach, Bob Bowman, deliberately created challenging training conditions to build mental resilience and establish the habit of performing under pressure.

Bowman would break Phelps’s goggles so they filled with water and ask other swimmers to splash water in his lane. And when he was in a particularly good mood, he would turn off the pool lights during practice.

Despite sounding sadistic, this training was pivotal for the 2008 Olympics.

During the 200m butterfly final, Phelps’s goggles leaked. Despite swimming blind, he won gold and set a world record.

How?

He had counted his strokes so many times in practice that he knew exactly where he was in the pool.

When life challenges me (which happens every week), I remind myself that it’s just Bowman messing with me at practice—nudging me to build habits through challenges that create lasting strength for any situation.

I also think of Phelps. While I cannot control the waves of change that wash over my life, I control how I swim. This is where constructive habits become my anchor, my compass, and always, my lifeline.

Leverage life’s major transitions—whether endings, transitions, or new beginnings—to shift your focus and redistribute your energy.

By building intentional habits during life’s turning points, we transcend dysfunctional coping mechanisms and replace them with healthy practices that help us leverage change into a catalyst for growth.

Examining the lives of history’s most remarkable people and their unwavering commitment reveals a sobering truth: our daily habits silently shape how we live, feel, and love.

No extraordinary individual stumbled upon greatness by accident; they consciously crafted habits that reflected their deepest values and highest aspirations.

To make a difference, we must think, be, and do differently. This matters deeply for two transformative reasons.

First, by consciously examining our habits, we free ourselves from the anxiety of destructive patterns that quietly poison our lives—those seemingly harmless habits that dim our inner light, drain our energy, and numb us to life’s profound beauty and meaning.

Second, by aligning our habits with our values, we don’t talk and dream; we embody positive change, showing that something bigger than the mainstream mindless sheep mentality is possible.

Instead of retreating to self-soothing behaviors when life challenges us, we transform our yearning for certainty into our greatest strength.

Much like ripples expanding in a pond, our actions impact those around us, motivating self-reflection and the pursuit of previously unconsidered goals.

Let’s explore the three key life phases we all face and how to turn them into opportunities for growth.

Psychologically, endings often feel emotionally charged — but not for the reasons we might think.

Whether it’s leaving a job, ending a long-term friendship or relationship, or moving to a new city, the finality of an ending often stirs up feelings of uncertainty.

I use endings to create a blank slate — a chance to reassess my priorities and let go of what no longer serves me.

In the past, I lacked the courage to release my resistance to life’s difficulties, which transformed my normal pain into suffering.

When I resist and cling to how things “should be” rather than accepting what is, my mind creates a secondary layer of suffering.

While I keep experiencing difficulties, my mental rejection no longer amplifies my distress.

The illusions of my “Self” play a key role — my ego creates stories about how situations threaten me, leading to resistance.

But when I embrace and flow with change, I use its natural momentum to grow and thrive in new ways.

When I accepted that resistance is optional, I started working with difficult situations more skillfully.

Two pivotal points demand our full attention here.

First, this isn’t about passive acceptance — it’s about engaging with challenges while letting go of psychological resistance that creates additional suffering.

Second, and this was a profound realization for me: working with challenges without resistance isn’t a concept to understand intellectually — it’s a practical skill that becomes stronger through consistent practice, like any other habit.

According to behavioral psychology research, people face the greatest challenges in building habits during endings when they experience:

• Emotional overwhelm: When the ending triggers intense emotional overwhelm like grief or anxiety, making it is difficult to maintain a focus on new habit formation
• Identity disruption: When the ending challenges our sense of self (like career changes or relationship endings), making it harder to anchor new behaviors
• Lack of structure: When familiar routines are disrupted without clear replacements, creating a void that makes habit-building feel unstable
• Physical changes: When endings involve physical relocations or health changes that disrupt established routines
• Social support loss: When endings involve losing key relationships that previously supported habit maintenance

Understanding these challenges and knowing that our loved ones struggle with them helps us approach habit-building during endings with greater compassion and realistic expectations.

1. Reflect on What Matters: I use reflective journaling and walks in nature with my phone on airplane mode to identify the habits that align with my values.

When I left a demanding job, I weighed what habits to adopt to restore balance and stay on track of traveling for six months during the cold Swedish winters.

1. Declutter Routines: Like decluttering my physical spaces daily, I routinely evaluate and eliminate habits that drain my energy or distract me from my life goals.

Instead of scrolling through multiple social media apps throughout the day, choose just one that’s most valuable for your goals

1. Start Small and Bundle: Small, easily integrated habits, bundled together with existing ones, require minimal effort while creating momentum toward achieving goals

For instance, seventeen years ago, I replaced late-night scrolling with 10 minutes of reading, which set the stage not only for a healthier bedtime routine but also led me to read over 1,200 nonfiction books.

When my coaching client Sarah moved on from a long-term relationship, she used the ending as a chance to build self-care habits like journaling and exercising.

These small but meaningful changes helped her rediscover the sense of independence and purpose that she had neglected during her relationship.

Transitions often feel chaotic because they involve adapting to change.

Whether you’re starting a new job, becoming a parent, or adjusting to a different lifestyle, transitions can be overwhelming.

However, they also present a psychological “fresh start” effect, making it easier to redefine routines.

3 Strategies for Habit-Building During Transitions

Finding Structure in the Midst of Change

Small, consistent habits provide stability. For example, if you’re adjusting to a new job, start with a habit like preparing your work bag and going through next day’s tasks the night before to reduce morning stress.

Mindfulness helps you stay present and reduces anxiety about the unknown. Incorporate simple practices into your day, such as 5-minute single-tasking sessions with your phone on airplane mode in your bag.

Use existing routines as triggers for new habits. For instance, pair your morning coffee with a quick gratitude journal entry to cultivate a positive mindset.

During a transition to a remote work setup, I felt overwhelmed by the lack of structure.

By introducing micro-habits like setting a consistent work schedule and taking short movement breaks, I regained a sense of control and focus.

The “fresh start effect” is a well-known psychological phenomenon where we feel more motivated to pursue goals at the start of a new phase—whether it’s a new year, a birthday, or a life milestone.

Every time I face new beginnings, I leverage them as opportunities to design habits intentionally, ensuring they align with my long-term aspirations and values.

I always define what I want to achieve and why it matters.

For example, when starting a new chapter in life, I make sure to set crystal clear intentions and only focus on habits that directly support that specific phase.

I wait until I’m fully settled before considering additional habits that aren’t essential to the current chapter.

I use visualization techniques and reflective writing to become crystal clear on how my new habits will impact my life. This reinforces my commitment and helps me stay motivated.

I identify triggers that prompt my desired behavior, establish a clear routine, and ensure there’s a meaningful outcome.

For example, by using my SMARTER goals framework (note that this is my own version) I make habits more:

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• Sustainable: Means creating practices, systems and habits that will evolve and grow with me
• Meaningful: Connect behaviors and habits to my purpose and values
• Adaptive: Only set goals adjustable to life’s curveballs.
• Relational: Consider how my behaviors and habits affect and benefit others
• Transformative: Focus on ongoing and future evolution rather than fixed endpoints
• Easy: Design a personal environment that minimizes friction and makes it effortless to perform desired habits
• Reproducible: Only focus on habits that can be maintained in any environment or context

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Take a breath and reflect on your own journey with goals and habits.

Are you setting goals that foster sustainable growth, meaningful purpose, and adaptability to life’s changes?

Do you cultivate relationships that lead to genuine transformation?

Or are you still caught in an outdated paradigm of perfectionistic, rigid metrics and time-bound achievements that drain your energy and limit your potential for happiness?

Closing Thoughts

Integrating new habits during life’s key phases—endings, transitions, and new beginnings—requires self-awareness and intentionality.

Doing it builds resilience.

The reason being that habits are not only automatic and unconscious patterns; they are expressions of your values and tools for personal growth.

By embracing change and using it as a catalyst for habit formation, you can create a life filled with meaning and purpose.

The ripple effect of your habits extends beyond yourself.

When you cultivate habits that align with your values, you inspire others to do the same, adding value to their lives in the process.

Personal growth is an ongoing journey, and every phase of life offers a new opportunity to evolve.

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References

1. Clear, James. Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery, 2018
2. Bridges, William. Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes. Da Capo Lifelong Books, 2004
3. Duhigg, Charles. The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. Random House Trade Paperbacks, 2014
4. Baumeister, Roy F., and John Tierney. Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. Penguin Books, 2012
5. Wood, Wendy, and Dennis Rünger. “Psychology of Habit.” Annual Review of Psychology, vol. 67, 2016