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“When you accept the words you use shape your life and the lives of others, you choose them with greater intention.”

A subtle shift in word choice has changed my outlook on life—my mindset, perceptions, and actions. It has opened doors to growth that were previously closed to me.

What initially appeared to be a useless minor linguistic choice profoundly influenced my presence in the world.

In this article, I’ll share how using the right words has transformed my thinking and attitude.

Words Shape Your Reality and Emotional Landscape

It took me years to realize that the language I use to describe myself and my experiences influences how I see myself and my place in the world.

I used to subscribe to the belief that people and circumstances alone caused my emotional distress.

I later learned that is not the case.

Research by Newberg and Waldman has shown that exposure to negative words increases activity in the brain’s fear center.

When we read, hear, or speak negative words, we trigger fear, anxiety, and other uncomfortable emotions, even when there is no immediate physical threat.

Let that sink in for a second!

If words trigger fear and anxiety even when there is no physical threat, where is the threat coming from?

We’ll explore this in more detail in a minute.

First, let’s examine what Newberg and Waldman’s participants experienced when exposed to negative words.

There are three things worth mentioning:

Reduced creativity.
Impaired decision-making.
And avoidance of beneficial risks or opportunities for growth.

Keep in mind that these behaviors occurred in the absence of tangible danger.

It’s not a matter of semantics or trivial differences in wording.

The words we use have a significant impact on how we perceive and approach situations. They influence our decisions and our willingness to pursue self-improvement and emotional growth.

Destructive words will make any situation appear more daunting or insurmountable.

Are you Highlighting, Neglecting or Downplaying?

Attention is like a spotlight, illuminating and magnifying aspects of our human experience. Also known as the Spotlight Effect.

When life pushes back, using language like “I don’t know” displays an image for the brain of you giving up or being defeated.

In contrast, “I don’t know yet” displays of an image of you actively seek solutions and maintain hope.

Like a beam of light, attention has a limited capacity.

The words we use direct our focus to specific aspects of our human experience, simultaneously steering our attention away from others.

We can’t focus on everything at once. Nor should we. Our focus has limits, and this includes words and sentences.

Words or phrases not only highlight specific aspects of our experience but also inadvertently neglect or downplay others.

Mindful presence is key. Being fully aware and attentive in the present moment, without judgment.

The next time you catch yourself using destructive words, try adding “and I love it” at the end of the sentence. Then, feel with your whole body what happens next.

Note to Self: Choosing your words carefully, you direct your attention to more constructive and growth-oriented thoughts and behaviors⁠.

Mental Conditioning: You are Always Training your Mind

At every waking moment, every single word you use reinforces neural pathways, “training” your brain to think and respond in certain ways.

This psychological training, also known as “mental conditioning,” occurs consciously or unconsciously, influencing how you think and react to various situations.

“I don’t know”

Cultivates a fixed mindset, training the mind to look for a lack of ability or knowledge, which it will always find.

The brain perceives “I don’t know” as a definitive statement, closing off further exploration.

Repeatedly using These type of phrases creates habitual patterns of avoidance to learn or engage.

“I don’t know yet”

Trains the mind to adopt a growth mindset, opening the door to learning and development

The brain perceives “I don’t know yet” as optimism, possibility, and hope. It suggests to the triggered mind that although the answer or skill is currently unknown, it can be achieved with time and effort. Repeatedly using phrases like this creates habits of openness, curiosity, and a willingness to learn

“Not yet” implies that the current lack of information is only temporary.

Carol Dweck’s and her team’s research on growth mindset found that using phrases “I can learn this” significantly boosts motivation and persistence when facing challenges.

The addition of “I can” when we speak to ourselves influences our attitudes and actions, encouraging a proactive approach to challenges. It motivates us to keep exploring solutions.

It’s not positive psychology; it’s simple programming.

The power of words extends far beyond mere semantics, acting as catalysts for shifts in mindset and perspective. This occurs not sometimes, but every time—in both thoughts and speech.

You are not who you are—you are the words you use when speaking to yourself and others.

The words you use form your identity. It’s not fixed or predetermined and then words come along. No, the internal, never-ending dialogue shapes who you perceive yourself to be.

Your words script the character you play in the game of life.

Carefully selecting your words, you foster a more constructive, open, and growth-oriented character.

The Separate Self and Our Experiences

We have all experienced how complex emotions can feel. We have sought to understand them since the beginning of our existence and will continue to do so for as long as we live.

If you do some simple research, you’ll find the following description of emotions:

“Emotions are involuntary and automatic responses that arise from our interactions with the world. Events or situations typically trigger them, and they influence our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.”

In my observations, that is a limited and harmful view of emotions and the world based on two false assumptions.

The first false assumption is that there is a separate self that interacts with the world.

The second is the belief that the world and our experiences take place outside of us.

Neuroscientific research has repeatedly disproven both.

Our sense of self and our experiences are intricately linked to brain activity, rather than existing as separate entities.

Perception studies have showed that our perception of the world is actively constructed by our brains, rather than being a passive reception of external stimuli. Experiences don’t occur “outside” of us, but within our neural networks. Words create perception.

The concept of “self” is an illusion, a construct of the mind that leads to suffering. The “self” is ego, our sense of identity. It is attachment to things and experiences.

When emotions arise, we often attribute them to the “self.” We will say, “I’m angry,” or “I’m sad.”

However, they are transient mental states, crafted by our words, that emerge and dissolve. Not a product of a fixed, unchanging self.

Altering our word choice we immediately shift our emotional response.

Transforming the Ideas in this Article Into Action

If you accept the illusion of a fixed self and the power of words in shaping our reality, it’s time to put these insights into practice.

Here are some actionable steps I have taken to harness the transformative power of language in my daily life:

Mindful Speech

I practice recognizing and acknowledging feelings and experiences without judgment.

Pay attention to the words you use, both in your internal dialogue and when communicating with others. This practice is sometimes known as emotional labeling. It involves identify and naming your emotions.

For example, instead of saying “I’m upset,” I will say “I’m feeling angry,” or “I’m feeling sad,” and investigate the underlying reasons.

Reframe Negative Statements

Also called “Cognitive restructuring” to challenge and change limiting beliefs and thought patterns. This technique helps you identify irrational or distorted thoughts and replacing them with more realistic and constructive ones.

Instead of thinking “I’m a failure,” you think “I made a mistake, but it doesn’t define me.”

Use Growth-Oriented Language

Incorporate phrases that promote a growth mindset, such as “I’m learning” or “I’m improving.”

Instead of saying “I have to do this,” you say “I get to do this.” This creates a shift in your emotional response, moving you from dread to gratitude.

Practice Self-Reflection

Set aside time each day to reflect on your language choices and their impact on your emotions and behaviors.

Where will you be in one year or 10 years if you continue using limiting words?

Closing Thoughts

The words you use either limit or expand your understanding and expression of what it means to be human.

Too much time worrying about what might happen will paralyze you with fear or indecision and procrastination.

Stuck in the past, you miss opportunities in the present, failing to take action to move forward.

Words have the power to liberate you or stagnate and confine you. They fuel fear and doubt or confidence and openness.

The aim is to cultivate a sense of equanimity and detachment, allowing you to experience emotions without being overwhelmed or controlled by them.

The choice is yours, and yes, it’s a choice.

With that said, changing the words you use, both internally and externally, is not comfortable at first – it requires courage.

But know this: courage is not the absence of fear; it is taking action despite feeling afraid or uncertain.

Fear and existential anxiety are normal human emotions, but don’t rule out courageous behavior.

By reframing your understanding of courage—shifting it from an absence of fear to action in the face of fear—you become emotionally unstoppable.

When you reprogram yourself to use “right speech,” as the Buddhists call it, you experience greater self-assurance, resilience, and determination. It is from this state of mind that you create a more constructive, compassionate, and fulfilling world.

Thank you for reading. If you found this useful, share it!