Emotional Intelligence: The Key to Success and Happiness

20 November 2023
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What you will learn in this article:

  • You will gain an understanding of what emotional intelligence is and what its different components are.
  • The importance of emotional intelligence in different aspects of life and how it affects our relationships, performance, and well-being.
  • You will also learn how to develop and improve emotional intelligence through various strategies.

Emotional Intelligence


When you have emotional intelligence, you possess the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own and others’ emotions.

You are aware of your own emotions, show empathy towards others, and effectively handle social interactions.

Signs that indicate a lack of emotional intelligence

Here are some behaviors that can be observed in anyone who lacks emotional intelligence:

– Inability to recognize or express their own emotions clearly.

– Difficulty understanding or taking into account other’s emotions.

– Lack of empathy or disinterest in understanding other’s perspectives.

– Difficulty managing and regulating their emotions wich often leads to impulsive reactions.

– Difficulty communicating effectively and clearly, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.

– Lack of awareness of how their behavior affects other people.

– Difficulty building and maintaining positive and meaningful relationships.

– Resistance to change and lack of flexibility in adapting to new situations.

– Lack of self-reflection and awareness of their shortcomings and areas for improvement.

– Tendency to be self-centered and focused on their own needs and desires, without considering others.

If you recognize one or more of these traits in yourself or others, there is an opportunity for improvement and personal growth.

Note to self: It is important to note that a lack of emotional intelligence is not a permanent trait, You can develop and improve emotional intelligence throughout your life.

Components of Emotional Intelligence


By developing emotional intelligence, you can recognize and understand your own emotions, strengths, weaknesses, values, and motives. This allows you to accurately assess your emotional state and how it can affect your thoughts and actions.


You manage and control your emotions, impulses, and behaviors appropriately and constructively. You can adapt to changes, maintain calmness in challenging situations, and avoid impulsive reactions.


You have the ability to understand and share others’ emotions, take in their perspective, listen attentively, and show compassion for their experiences and feelings.

Social skills

You are skilled in effectively interacting and communicating with others. Your abilities include active listening, verbal and nonverbal communication, conflict resolution, and building positive relationships.


You are driven by personal goals, values, and a sense of purpose. You are resilient and optimistic, and you have the ability to persevere when faced with challenges.

Understanding Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence plays a crucial role in various aspects of life.

It affects your personal relationships, work performance, leadership abilities, and overall well-being.

You are better equipped to deal with stress and conflict and more adept at building strong interpersonal relationships if you have high emotional intelligence.

With a high level of emotional intelligence, you will excel at communicating, problem-solving, and working effectively as part of a team.

Development of Emotional Intelligence

Although some of us are born with higher levels of emotional intelligence, you can develop and strengthen this skill throughout your life.

Let’s take a look at some strategies to improve your emotional intelligence.

Strategies for Developing Emotional Intelligence

Take time to reflect on your actions, motivations, and their impact on yourself and others.

To effectively practice self-reflection, use journaling, 10-minute meditations, and quiet walks of contemplation without your phone.


Practicing mindfulness is not hard and can be done for 2-3 minutes at a time.

Start by being fully present in the current moment and observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment.

By cultivating mindfulness, you can develop a greater awareness of your own emotional responses and learn to regulate them more effectively.

Search for mindfulness exercises, such as mindful breathing and body scans, and try them out one at a time until you find one that suits you.

Seeking Feedback from Others

Seeking feedback from someone you trust and admire is a valuable way to improve your emotional intelligence.

Ask for honest assessments of your strengths and weaknesses in terms of emotional intelligence.

Listen attentively to their perspectives and consider their feedback as an opportunity for growth.

Constructive feedback from others provides valuable insights and helps you develop a more accurate self-awareness.

Turn their feedback into coaching questions and use them to guide your decisions and actions.

Improve your Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. If you don’t know who you are you are lost in the translation of the world that others provide you with.

This is not living, this is imprisoning.

Take proactive steps to enhance your self-awareness by examining your values, beliefs, strengths, and weaknesses.

Engage in activities that promote self-discovery, such as personality assessments or seeking professional guidance.

Regularly check in with yourself to assess your emotions, triggers, and patterns of behavior.

Improved Self-Regulation

Self-regulation refers to your ability to manage and control your emotions, impulses, and behaviors in a proficient manner.

It is the single most important skill that helps you navigate life.

It keeps you away from numbing and destructive behaviors, keeps you sharp in social situations, and helps you achieve your goals.

Practice techniques such as “reframing to regulate your emotional responses”.

Cultivate the ability to pause and consider the consequences before reacting impulsively.

If you go through life in a reactive state, you will get a limited perspective on the world and miss out on many opportunities for growth and fulfillment.

Adopt a proactive mindset, where you actively seek out new experiences, take initiative, and make conscious choices.

Open yourself up to a world of possibilities.

Embracing a proactive approach to life allows you to shape your own destiny and create the life you desire, rather than simply reacting to whatever comes your way.

Develop strategies to cope with stress and adversity in a constructive manner.

Note to self: It is impossible to control feelings and emotions without slowing down your nervous system first.

Improve Your Empathy Skills

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the emotions of others.

Practice active listening, putting yourself in others’ shoes, and genuinely seeking to understand their perspectives.

Engage in acts of kindness and compassion towards others without expecting anything in return or having any hidden agendas.

Make sure your actions come from a place of genuine care and concern for others, rather than simply trying to gain something for yourself.

Cultivate an open mind and suspend all judgment when interacting with anything and anyone.

Things are not good or bad, they are as you see them.

In the grand scheme of things, it is important to remember that events or objects do not possess inherent qualities of being good or bad.

Instead, their nature is shaped by your perceptions and interpretations.

It is through your unique lenses that you assign meaning and value to the things you encounter in life.

Note To self: True acts of kindness are selfless and not transactional.

Improve Your Social Skills

Social skills have nothing to do with the number of social interactions you have, but the quality.

Focus not on being right, but on developing social skills that involve effective communication, conflict resolution, and building positive relationships.

Enhance your active listening skills by giving your full attention to others and validating their feelings.

Practice clear and assertive communication to express your emotions and needs effectively.

Identify your needs and wants first, then look for ways to improve your interpersonal skills.

Actively work to improve your motivation

Motivation drives behavior and goal achievement.

Clarify your personal values, set meaningful goals, and develop a sense of purpose.

Cultivate resilience and optimism in the face of challenges.

Break down long-term goals into smaller ones.

Use systems and processes to work for you in managing each step to maintain motivation and perseverance.

Celebrate your achievements along the way to stay motivated and inspired.

Final Thoughts

Emotional intelligence is a vital skill that has a significant impact on your success and happiness.

Without emotional intelligence, your ability to recognize and understand your own emotions and those of others diminishes drastically.

If you want to have loving relationships, cope better with stress, and communicate more effectively, emotional intelligence is the only way.

By consistently and diligently using the strategies mentioned in this article, you can improve your emotional intelligence and will start to experience positive changes in your well-being, relationships, and professional success.

You will become more self-aware, understand your emotions and others’ emotions better, and gain valuable skills to manage your emotions effectively.

This will lead to a greater sense of fulfillment, and resilience in the face of adversity.

Books I have read and can recommend:

  1. “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ” by Daniel Goleman
  2. “Working with Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman
  3. “Emotional Intelligence: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Emotions and Raising Your EQ” by James W. Williams
  4. “Emotional Intelligence Mastery: A Practical Guide to Improving Your EQ” by Eric Jordan

These books provide valuable insights and practical strategies for developing and improving emotional intelligence.

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