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“Every moment of non-judgment is a step towards personal growth and inner peace.”
We want to connect and feel at peace.
Human connection and inner peace are fundamental to our emotional well-being and happiness. It provides understanding and a sense of belonging.
The lack of tension and inner peace we experience when we connect allows us to navigate life’s storms with calmness and clarity.
Still, in our often judgmental world, it is comfortable to fall into the habit of constantly evaluating others.
Judgment is everywhere. It’s in the news, on social media, in conversations at work, and even within our romantic relationship and family.
In this article, I will share how my life changed once I stopped judging myself and others.
Let’s start with a definition of negative judgment to better understand what it means to judge negatively.
Definition: Negative judgment
Negative judgment is a mental, cognitive, and emotional process of forming an unfavorable or critical opinion about someone or something.
Key Characteristics of Negative Judgment
Negative judgment has a way of creeping into our thoughts, showing up in our actions, and ends up affecting how we feel.
Here are some common warning signs to watch for:
Thoughts and Attitudes
Labeling: Putting people or situations into rigid categories.
Condemnation: Reacting harshly and strongly disapproving of others.
Assumptions: Making conclusions about others without concrete evidence.
Generalizations: Applying a belief about one person to an entire group based on personal limiting beliefs or stereotypes.
Blaming: Attributing problems to others rather than taking responsibility.
Criticism: Focusing on flaws or shortcomings rather than strengths.
Comparing: Constantly measuring yourself or others against unrealistic standards.
Behaviors
Non-verbal expression of disapproval: Eye rolling, typically to convey contempt, frustration, or disbelief without speaking.
Sarcasm: Using humor to mask criticism or passive-aggressive judgments.
Gossiping: Sharing personal and harmful information about others.
Exclusion: Avoiding or shunning people based on judgment.
Defensive: Reacting with anger or hostility when my opinions are challenged.
Emotional Responses
Feeling superior: Thinking I am better than others.
Feeling resentful: Holding grudges or harboring negative feelings.
Feeling anxious: Worrying about others’ opinions or actions.
Feeling isolated: Pushing people away because of my judgmental attitudes.
While it’s normal to have initial thoughts of judgments, it’s how I handle them that determines my character and my relationships.
Why We Judge Others
We judge others because we feel insecure, need to feel superior or competent.
We compare based on a negative judgment in our quest for validation of our virtues.
We judge because society teaches us to do this from a young age until it becomes second nature.
Our brain is wired to focus on danger and negativity to keep us safe.
We also have a natural need to categorize our experiences to make sense of the world.
Understanding Judgement
We all judge more or less. However, it’s important to recognize the difference between pragmatical assessments and passing negative judgment.
Yes, it’s true that we need a certain level of judgment to determine the level of safety in different situations. However, when our judgment is driven by moralizing, criticizing, and labeling others, it becomes harmful to ourselves and those around us.
Before I can change my behaviors and habits, I need to understand the underlying reasons and motivations behind my actions.
Knowing what I am dealing with allows me to identify patterns, recognize my biases, and acknowledge the impact of my judgments on myself and others.
It is through this mental and emotional awareness that I create the momentum to shift my perspective, challenge my assumptions, and cultivate empathy.
Why it matters
While there isn’t a vast amount of specific research solely on “letting go of negative judgment,” there is substantial evidence supporting related concepts like mindfulness, empathy, and emotional regulation
When we practice letting go of judgment, these aspects come into play.
Negative judgment matters because its opposite is acceptance, which is a key component of self-improvement and personal growth.
On a personal and societal level.
A lack of acceptance leads to stagnation in our personal and collective growth.
When we cannot accept ourselves and others, we create barriers that hinder our ability to learn, adapt, and evolve.
On a personal level, this lack of acceptance manifest as self-doubt and a reluctance to embrace new challenges, stifling our potential for self-improvement and development.
Collectively, a lack of acceptance fosters a culture of division and resistance to change, preventing communities and societies from making emotional progress.
The Problem with Judging Others
While it will often feel natural and even socially accepted to judge others, it comes with many downsides.
Let’s examine the most common.
Destructive Judgment Hinders Connection
Judgment creates emotional barriers between people. It leads to misunderstandings, resentment, and damaged relationships.
If you have children, it’s worth noticing that the next generation inherits your destructive judgment.
Judging Others is Harmful to our Mental Health
As a human being, even if I appreciate solitude, I am inherently a social creature, with a need to add value.
Meaningful connections with others are crucial for my mental and emotional well-being.
Without genuine connections, my ability to navigate challenges and cope with stress declines, making it hard to maintain a positive and balanced state of mind.
It’s not about proving I’m right or better. It’s about building meaningful relationships.
A lack of connection leads to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and even depression.
Judging Limits My Understanding
When I judge others, I often rely on destructive assumptions rather than seeking to understand their needs, perspectives, and experiences. This limits my ability to understand and connect with others.
Judgment Focuses on Negativity
When I judge, I focus on flaws and shortcomings, which lead to a negative mindset. If I am not mindful, this negatively affects my emotional well-being and outlook on life.
Judgment Promotes Insecurity
I catch myself judging others to feel superior, more competent, and better about myself.
That said, I recognize that this is only a temporary and unhealthy way of coping that I have the power to quit.
I know if I act on these judging thoughts, I’ll end up feeling insecure and inadequate. And I’ll making others feel the same.
Judgment Creates a Negative Environment
A judgmental environment creates a sense of fear and defensiveness.
A judgmental environment fosters unhealthy competition instead of cooperation and mutual encouragement.
Judgement stifles open communication and inhibits creativity by creating fear of being criticized or having ideas rejected.
Misconceptions About Practicing Non-Judgment
There are several misconceptions that kept me stuck judging others for many years:
Not Judging Means Accepting Harmful Behavior
Reality: Not judging others doesn’t mean I condone harmful or unethical behavior. It means I approach situations with understanding and empathy before making assessments.
Not Judging Equals Ignorance
Reality: Practicing non-judgment doesn’t mean I’m gullible or naive. I am thoughtfully assessing situations without jumping to negative conclusions.
Not Judging Others Is Passive
Reality: Choosing not to judge is an active and conscious decision that requires my self-awareness and emotional intelligence. I chose to respond thoughtfully, rather than impulsive.
Not Judging Equals Indifference
Reality: Not judging others doesn’t mean I don’t care. It means I choose to understand and empathize, which leads to more constructive and compassionate interactions.
Not Judging Is Easy
Reality: Refraining from judgment is challenging at first and requires continuous effort and self-reflection. It’s not comfortable, but I’ve noticed real improvement in myself.
I was stuck in a cycle of judgment for years because of the misconceptions mentioned. But, once I saw these misconceptions clearly, it a cognitive fog lifted.
The Transformative Impact of Letting Go of Judgment
I still judge myself and other, but now I catch myself before acting on it.
When I stopped acting on my judgmental thoughts, things changed in the following ways:
Increased Self-Awareness
I notice my biases and challenge them more often.
I focus on people’s strengths and feel more understanding.
Deeper Connections
Letting go of judgment has helped me see our shared humanity and suffering.
I have become more genuine, caring less about what others think of me and others. I stopped listening to and sharing gossip.
Inner Peace and Well-being
My mind feels calmer without constant judgmental thoughts.
Focusing on the good in life and people, I feel happier.
Letting go of judgment creates mental and emotional space that feels liberating and light.
My Smile Became Genuine
Constantly judging others made it difficult for me to genuinely smile.
When I stopped judging, my smile became genuine. I let go of negative energy and enjoyed interactions. Even the challenging ones.
Personal Growth
Every time I refrain from judging, I grow a little. I become more open to new ideas and perspectives.
Observing without judgment teaches me many valuable lessons.
Accepting others helps me accept myself.
Every day, I notice my thoughts and create a welcoming space by being kinder to myself and others.
Actionable Insights
Reducing negative judgment is not a theoretical endeavor or a goal.
It’s a practice that requires that we keep dancing at the edges of our comfort zone.
Accepting others as they are requires humility, empathy, and confronting my own biases and insecurities was uncomfortable and challenging at first.
Here are some specific techniques and strategies that help me a lot on this journey:
Focus on the Present Moment
I have made it into a practice to focus on the present moment, to prevent my mind from wandering into judgmental thoughts.
I notice without labeling and stay present with my thoughts and feelings without immediately reacting to them.
It’s a simple three-step process:
- Notice when judgmental thoughts pop up.
- Resist the urge to label them.
- Stay present and let the thoughts pass by without reacting.
Cultivate Empathy
When I feel judgmental, I don’t understand the experiences and perspectives of others. So I ask for more information to gain better insight into the other person’s needs.
Challenge Your Assumptions
I practice recognizing and challenging my biases. And trust me, I’ve got plenty.
Before acting on any judgment, I look for evidence that contradicts my initial thoughts.
Practice Self-Compassion
I treat myself as I will treat someone I love, with the same kindness and understanding.
I understand that nobody is perfect, including myself, and that’s perfectly fine.
Reframe Destructive Thoughts
Instead of focusing on flaws, I replace judgmental words with more neutral and constructive language.
You are the person you speak with the most every day, so choose your words wisely.
Develop a Growth Mindset
I have programed myself to view challenges and “mistakes” as opportunities for growth.
My default mode has become being open to new ideas, perspectives, and experiences that challenge my thinking.
Block Time
I schedule daily and weekly actions to practice non-judgment.
And every Sunday I reflect on my progress and areas for improvement.
Everyone I meet is a teacher and I am the student.
Surround Yourself with Positive Influences
I don’t have a TV or listen to the radio, so I don’t watch or listen to the news.
I actively reduce my exposure to judgmental or negative content on the internet and via social interactions.
I am not into positivism; I am a pragmatic realist who has spent years curating my inner and outer environment.
I read and follow some of the greatest thinkers, using their writing as a positive influence.
Practice Gratitude
For over fifteen years, I’ve written daily entries in my gratitude journal. Moments that made me smile, minor acts of kindness I witnessed, and things I’m thankful for. This habit helps me keep my mind on the positive aspects of life.
Using the techniques mentioned above, I have become more compassionate and understanding towards others. Hopefully, some of these ideas will resonate with you, too.
Closing Thoughts
I become what I practice every day. I have a choice to reinforce a mindset of negativity and criticism or openness. Over time, my choices shape my personality and outlook on life.
If I am negative, I stop seeing people; I only see flaws and shortcomings. I see the negative rather than strengths and virtues. This is my dad’s voice talking, not me.
If I practice non-judgment, I cultivate a mindset of empathy, understanding, and positivity and thus attract the same energy.
Once I stopped being judgmental, I discovered the ability to connect with people I previously didn’t get along with and handle tough situations more calmly.
It’s still a work in progress, but every day that passes, I open up more and more.
The most important lesson I’ve learned is that judgment is something we all deal with, but change begins with me.
Take a moment to think about an area of your life where you often judge. Whether it’s at work, with your children, partner, friends, or yourself.
For the next week, focus on being more accepting in that area. Notice how it changes your interactions, mood, and feelings.
Lastly, don’t forget to write what you learn.
Writing is thinking.
When I write, I’m forced to organize my thoughts, clarify my ideas, and articulate my feelings.
Writing helps me to understand when and why I judge myself and others.
When I write, I notice how my assumptions shift and I see things from new angles. It serves as a mirror, reflecting my innermost thoughts and helping me make sense of my experiences.
Thanks for reading. If you found this helpful, share it with your family and friends.
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